Hope
by xGeminiGirlx
Summary: "Let me help you." He constantly offered to help her, to nurture and love her, yet he never asked her to come back to Camelot with him. Even in his older years he knew better then to lead her straight to Arthur. Merlin/Morgana. One-shot.


The day and the night, the sun and the moon, the light and the dark; the only opposites that could truly describe Merlin and Morgana. Completely different objects which repel yet attract at the same time. Impossibly beautiful, like the burning of the stars which twinkle in the dark canvas of a sky, yet infinitely disgusting.

Merlin and Morgana: the hero and the villain; the arch enemies. They stand stubbornly at either sides of the line of good-and-bad, growling like vicious wild blood-thirsty wolves out to catch their prey, knocking each other down mentally and physically notch by notch, just waiting for one of them to crash and burn for a victory to be won. Every battle is the same; blood, sweat, and tears.

This battle was no different.

There was fire, _so much fire_ that it rose higher than the trees and spread and consumed everything in sight. There was magic loose in the air, in the water, in the Earth itself…

And then there was _them_. Fighting a war that shouldn't be fought, a war with no apparent motive, one which should have finished decades ago. The only root to the bloodshed was the pure hate that coiled deep in them both, a hate that hadn't faded over the passing years. Something so pure that it drove them both to each other.

So, if they were such sworn enemies and they hated each other so much, why were they tumbling together on the uneven terrain of the deserted battlefield, bare bodies pressed together, limbs tangled everywhere possible, involuntary moans here and there? There were lips on lips, teeth on skin, nails drawing bloody patterns, cries of pain and pleasure and regret and lust before everything burst into bright colours and they were in heaven, tumbling over the edge together, crying each other's names, not in a bloody battle but in a fiery romance…

Panting heavily, finding herself glued to the sweaty skin of her lover, Morgana rest her head onto Merlin's shoulder, closing her eyes and lying over his chest lazily. She could feel his heart thudding erratically against her ear which caused a trademark smirk to stretch her lips. Merlin had given himself to her: in body, mind, soul, and blood. He had caved to her, let down his walls, and opened his heart.

But so had she.

Their battles hadn't usually ended like this. In fact, this was the first time. It was normally her exhaustion that finished it…

She felt Merlin's fingers tangle in her dark hair, felt his arm around her waist as he held her protectively to him, wishing for her to stay with him. But she knew she couldn't. There was so many reasons, some obvious yet others wrapped firmly under blankets of lies, why she couldn't lie with him for eternity. Why she was unable to let him love her…

For now, though, she let herself drift through fantasies and enjoy the company of somebody who understood her. Fantasies that could never come true.

Shifting so she sat on his stomach, resulting in a slight grunt of displeasure from the male, Morgana looked down at Merlin. She observed his blooded shoulders, ruffled hair, bitten neck, and red swollen lips. She was quite aggressive when it came to love-making - and when it didn't - but she had no remorse.

Her eyes met his, the cobalt blue colour melting into her emerald green, her barriers instantly shattering from just his _gaze_. A shiver ran down her spine at the thought of how he could control her with just a glance at his eyes. She wouldn't ever let him though, she couldn't. She would die trying.

"Morgana…" He murmured, forefinger curling around one of her tendrils that dangled like a icicle, and Morgana let him pull her down for a gentle and loving kiss, "let me help you…"

It was something he offered her every time they met, and every time she rejected. His words had become a mantra in her head by now. He constantly offered to help her, to nurture and love her, yet he never asked her to come back to Camelot with him. Even in his older years he knew better then to lead her straight to Arthur.

She shook her head then, declining his offer, pressing a kiss back onto his lips as he rolled her over to pin her down. She would never let someone control her and Merlin knew that better than anyone, resting on his elbows so he could stare down at the beautiful Seer, giving her some room to move freely.

He stay quiet for a long time, staring intently down at her, and she wound her arms around his neck and puckered her lips, tilting her head innocently.

"Don't think too hard, Merlin - it's dangerous." When he frowned she grinned, the gesture lighting up her face and her eyes sparkling like rare wild diamonds. She'd never acted in such a way in a long time... Far too long…

He rolled his eyes at her teasing while his finger traced the swell of her ribs, earning himself a pleasured purr from her lips.

There was a long silence as they enjoyed each other's company, but of course none of them would admit it, not even to themselves. They were both stubborn creatures.

"You must let me help you. I can teach you…" He finally murmured, being the first to cave into breaking the silence. His voice was laced with a velvet tone, having rolled off of her and pulled her into his side, his fingers once again tangled in her silky raven locks.

"No." She responded quickly, quietly, knowing that she never could. She had her own empire, her own power, and she wasn't willing to share that with her enemy.

"Then _what _are you still doing here, huh?" He exclaimed, trying to keep his cool, his orbs clashing together like stormy waves in the ocean. She could tell his temper was wearing thin.

A great flow of anger washed over Morgana then, her eyes flaring up gold as thunder claps boomed above them, clouds rolling over as lightning strikes shot like wildfire through the dark foggy sky. It was so quick that if you'd blinked you'd have missed it.

Pushing him away and standing up in a flurry of aggressive anger, Morgana marched a few paces away from him before spinning around on her heal to face the warlock, growling out in complete and utter fury.

He had no right!

"You ungrateful little-!" She cut herself off, her pure anger bubbling and blocking her own throat, her piercing gaze enough to make anybody crumble and fall. Her hair fell in wavy locks down the sides of her face, framing her features ferociously, her green-gold eyes boring into his as she hurriedly pulled on her tunic and trousers. _Men's clothes_. In her magical place she could wear what she wanted. And anyway, she wasn't going to fight in a dress, was she? That'd be stupid.

Morgana was angry because she truly _didn't know_ why she was still there. She didn't even want to think of why she'd wanted to stay in his arms; it was absolutely ridiculous! She hated him. Yes, that's what it was; she could have ambushed him while his guard was down. There wasn't another reason for it. Of course not. Morgana le Fay would never submit to a man. Ever.

She watched in outrage as Merlin scrambled to his feet, gingerly yet quickly pulling on his clothes, staggering towards the powerful sorceress. She felt his magic clash like a tidal wave with hers for the second time that day, the sky giving a rumble of disapproval as it released a downpour of droplets of rain. Even mother nature herself wasn't enjoying their constant bloody battles.

"The evil in your head has corrupted your heart." The words flew through the air like lightning, each and every one of them added with a spit of passion, coming from the warlock that wielded astonishing power. The edge to his voice was like a blade, each word carefully balanced to cause such a stab to the heart that it was almost excruciating. Unfortunately for him Morgana's heart was as cold as stone.

"And who, I wonder, has caused this sudden flip of the coin?" The sentence was finished with a dangerous hiss, each syllable like the pounding hoofs of a wild horse, bashing and bashing and bashing until the target was shattered into a thousand different shards.

She was not evil. She was misunderstood.

"Maybe it was just because of your black heart." That touched a nerve, it really did. How couldn't he see? She pondered if he was as blind as a bat. She'd been his friend, his ally, a trustworthy person and definitely not an outrageous noble. She had been kind to him and never, not even once, considered that such a loyal friend to her would set out on a mission to murder her when she had done _nothing wrong_!

Her frustration - _and heartach_e, her mind cackled knowingly - had caused her to take the pure anger out on innocent people, followers of Uther and his laws, and keep her solid place at the throne of magic. At least, that's what she referred it as. Morgana le Fay would fight for magic and kill those who disobeyed her. She'd become the thing she despised most… Another Uther.

"It's not me who betrays friends." She retorted disdainfully, her fingers curling into her palms in outrageous anger, her nails digging into her skin so hard that she feared she'd bleed.

"It's not me who killed, and still kills, innocents." His words were fierce yet calm, his blue-gold-blue eyes swirling with such intense passion that it caused her to recoil inwardly in fear, his alabaster skin glowing as the moon sent streaks through the storm clouds.

"You tried to kill me." The façade she'd built so strong had suddenly crumbled, and with every cry to rebuild it, to reconstruct it, her mind sent the whole lot shattering into glittering shards again. Her eyes flashed a dangerous gold, the tears welling up that she promised herself she'd never shed, as her heart got caught in her throat; she subconsciously brought her hand up to touch the tender flesh of her neck, the memory of the poison running thick down her throat flashing in her mind, remembering herself gasping for breath while he collected her into his arms.

Huh, dying in your lover's arms who turned out to be your murderer. How very romantic!

"You were not innocent." He could see the hurt radiating in her hues, she could tell by the way he parted his lips and tensed his shoulders, so she hurriedly blinked any emotion from her steely greens. She was strong, naturally, but it just wasn't normal for her to feel like she wanted to scream or cry or shout of for_ him_, her worst enemy, to sweep her up in his arms and whisper nonsense in her ear and kiss every fear away from her.

No. She was Morgana le Fay and she didn't show weakness to anyone…

Especially Emrys.

So, masking herself with that almost invincible cold façade again, she stepped towards him and curled her fingers around the top of his arms. She was fascinated feeling his warm crackling power in his biceps flare up when she touched it. Her eyes fixed on his contented face, using some physical force to push him back… and she was surprised to feel how strong he really was.

Merlin… Strong?

As she shoved, his lean body staying firm, and he resisted with little effort. She wondered briefly how powerful this warlock really was. Under his mask of idiocy, clumsiness, loss of balance, and just all-round niceness, she let herself ponder if he was pushed to the extreme how much of a monster he could be with all of that power… A trigger. Just a trigger. Something that would hurt him deeply, shatter him until he completely lost control... His power would come rushing out and all of Albion would feel that force and cower.

Such power she craved…

"You are the villain here." Her voice had gained strength again, but the raw emotion that decayed her heart was clear as the night sky. So clear. Yet he remained anonymous, she observed, giving her a frown of disapproval. How couldn't he see? He was so clever, so wise, yet he missed the blatant and obvious things. He missed her demeanour. He missed the fact that she'd never had the intention of hurting her friends... she'd cried out for help and he'd missed it. Everything she'd tried to show him, everything she had yearned for, all of the emotions that had gone coursing through her with every silken word… he missed them all. Completely.

She was trapped.

Stuck in a glossy spider web, one of lies and hate and darkness, forever stuck in the ongoing cycle of hopelessness. She was lost, lost forever, with no chance of escape. Her anchor, the blinding brightness to chase the shadows away, had no clue that she _needed_ the help.

"I'm sorry." Was all he uttered, knocking her out of her thoughts. He was sorry? _Sorry?_ The bastard! How could he be sorry? She'd entrusted her life with him, spilled out her emotions, held her heart on her sleeve and… he betrayed her.

She didn't forgive him.

"I hate you." Did she?

"I know…" His powerful yet slender (_malicious_, her mind growled) fingers curled around her hips, pulling her in for a fierce and passion-filled kiss. She didn't resist.

Her lips attacked his brutally, biting painfully and accidentally bashing teeth with his (but the accident wasn't there, not really), her fingers tugging at his hair. Soon enough they were both starved of oxygen and had to part.

"Live with me…" The words finally slipped from Merlin's lips and she heard them loud and clear. But she still had to ask out of confusion.

"What?"

"Live with me." He repeated, voice firm and unwavering, "away from Camelot, away from your throne of darkness. A safe haven for us, to be happy, together. With no threat and no stress, just me and you. A break from it all after a long day…"

He sounded so truthful, so _loving_ that when she actually looked at him her own hateful demeanour faltered. She searched his blue eyes and felt as if she'd swallowed her tongue.

"I…" She started, indifference flickering along her expression. She hated him, did she not? She certainly didn't trust him. Not after what he'd done... But he was offering her a life she always craved, to be happy and loved and have something to hold onto, a meaning for her existence.

She felt his gentle hands cup her jaw, stroking her cheeks, and her shallow green eyes locked with his blue ones.

"Nobody will know." His tempting words were proving difficult to resist for the dark-haired beauty. Nobody would know… Morgause wouldn't know, Arthur wouldn't know… it would be their secret, their happy secret where they could have a break from all of the bitterness, the hatred, the war, and just feel raw love for each other.

She wanted this. She knew she wanted it when her heart leapt.

"I…" She started again, but she couldn't find the words. She didn't know what she was meant to be saying, "I…"

_…want to live with you?_ She wasn't sure.

_…want to trust you?_ She craved to be able to trust him again, but that would take time. Time she didn't have.

_…want to love you?_ What was she thinking? This was nonsense! Utter nonsense!

"Think about it." Merlin interrupted her thoughts with his gentle voice, his hands sliding to take her pale ones. When she looked up to meet his eyes she saw the love and devotion she craved so dearly, yet she also saw the pain and his lack of trust in her. She swallowed.

"I will think about it." She gave him a cold and heartless reply, her shallow green orbs staring at his face, his features. She couldn't help but think that his cheekbones were perfectly defined and his brows were the desirable shape and his eyes were that cerulean blue and his ears… Oh,_ his ears_…

_Stop it, Morgana._

She was disgusted with herself. How could she think so yearningly for a man she loathed so thickly? The man who betrayed her, killed her, proved he was the enemy countless times.

She wanted to throttle him when he gave her a small, hopeful smile, the edges of his glorious mouth curving up; she found her eyesight following the movement.

Then, with one swift movement, she mounted her ash mare bareback.

"Goodbye." Morgana felt something cold pressed into her porcelain hands, eyes directing to the contact. Resting on her palm was a silver chained necklace with emerald and aquamarine jewels imbedded in the beautiful pattern.

"Keep it," Merlin insisted, his warm hand finding hers, blanketing it in a way Morgana had never thought possible, "so I know where I can find you."

She debated this. Was this entirely safe? Merlin was still her enemy, she still hated him strongly. Did she trust him? Certainly not. Who's to say he would use this to track her every move, to hunt her down, to trap her like a rat? Would he tell Arthur?

One look into his eyes sent her thoughts to shame.

"Thank you." She replied absently, running her soft fingertips over the glittering expensive jewels engraved together. They reminded her so fondly of herself and Merlin; opposite, repelling, but stunning together.

Wait, _what_?

"I wish things had turned out differently." Her jade eyes snapped to his sky blue eyes in surprise, cocking an elegant brown before he explained in further depth, "if… things had been different… then maybe we would still be friends."

"I know." Morgana replied in a whisper, reaching out to touch his warm hand, feeling a jolt of electricity at the contact which left her slightly dazed, "I'm sorry."

Before she knew what had happened he'd pulled her off her horse and crashed his lips against hers. She could barely breathe and she was well aware that her feet weren't touching the floor… As he kissed her deeper she couldn't help but feel such bliss, scrape her fingers through his scraggy black hair, pull herself closer until… oh.

"Merlin…" She whimpered as his lips explored her exposed throat, nipping, sucking, licking, always too gentle yet too passionate. She craved for his touch.

Lowering herself until she could feel the reassuring presence of the ground under her feet (because _God_, she felt like she was on cloud nine), she forced herself to pull away from the large-eared goofy manservant. It proved more difficult then she had originally planned.

If she didn't get this under control again they'd be back to square one... Especially since Merlin's hands had unwound from around her waist and set on pushing up the front of her top to expose her pale skin... she was powerless to stop him.

She hated herself. She hated _him_. Why was her body reacting in such a way? He'd tried to kill her before, betrayed her trust, and carved a wound so deep in her heart that it would burn until the end of eternity.

Yet she couldn't find the power inside of her to push him away.

Luckily, he seemed to notice what he was doing and stopped (much to her body's disappointment), unlatching himself from her; her hand, in turn, flew to the front of her top to pull it back down.

"_What_ did you think you were _doing_?" She seethed venomously, anger roaring in her eyes. The thought that he could have easily dominated her without her taking control scared her half to death. _No, this isn't right!_

"I've missed you." Merlin soothed back, his calm voice washing over her rage. Did he always look that cute with his big, blue eyes…?

Miss her? That was ridiculous. She certainly hadn't missed him. Well…

She was lonely. Without the presence of friends it felt like the world had turned cold on her, pushed her deeper in the lake of evil then she'd been willing to dip her foot into. Sure, she had servants, allies and any lover she chose, though she felt incomplete. There was a large empty space inside of her which was pushing her further and further to insanity.

She hated being alone.

"I'm not evil." Was all that slipped between her dark lips. Where did that come from? Quite frankly she didn't care. The walls protecting her heart, and her emotions, that she had spent over ten years building were slowly being knocked down. What was Merlin doing to her?

"I know." Merlin whispered in reply, pulling her close so she could rest her head on his shoulder. She could hear the hint of doubt in his voice.

He wasn't telling the truth, but did he ever?

"_They_ don't." She was obviously referring to Arthur, Guinevere, _Camelot_ - heck, she'd even go as far as saying the whole of the _world_.

"I know you were just trying to do what you thought was right." How did he suddenly understand her motives? "But this has gone too far now. Uther is dead and magic has returned to Camelot. You have no reason to continue your bloody revenge. It's over, Morgana."

"It will never be over." She didn't mean for it to come out as spiteful as it did.

When he pulled back to stare into her eyes painfully she almost wished she hadn't said anything. Clutching at the front of his top she noticed for the first time the sky had turned inky black with sparkles showering the dark canvas.

"Don't say that." His voice was gaining in strength, in anger. When he looked into her eyes he saw the shrouding darkness, the lost hope, the hate, the anger, the pain, the loneliness. She knew he could see it. She could read the question in his own eyes: Was she lost to him forever?

"The battle is over. You've lost. You must accept that."

While he spoke she released his top, smoothing it, disinterested in what Merlin was saying. Maybe the battle was lost, but the war wasn't over. It couldn't be over. She would fight on.

"Goodbye again, Merlin." Morgana's voice rung out as she leant up to peck his lips, giving him a faint smile. This time he let her go as she climbed onto her horse.

"I won't give up on you." He whispered to her, the sweet words floating in the wind. It brought a smile to her face. Poor Merlin…

"I know you won't." Rearing her horse up, she gave him one last cocky wink which sent his eyes down her body before she galloped off into the forest.

_I love you, Morgana._

Morgana's heart was bathed in the blood of innocents, shadowed by the darkness of the light. Her vengeance for Uther had driven her mad. She hated Merlin and she hated Arthur.

But when she looked over her shoulder to give a fleeting loving glance to the warlock. Merlin knew that Morgana wasn't entirely lost to him forever. His Morgana was still there, shining as radiantly as any star in the darkness of the sky, as fierce of the burning embers of the sun, as stubborn as frozen icicles licked by the rays of spring. She could be salvaged by the evil she had been pushed into.

There was still hope.


End file.
